Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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