2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
