My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
