No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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