hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
