How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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