I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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