What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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