but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This baby is an asshole
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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