How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
