she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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