Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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