Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
