the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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