So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize