Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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