If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
