Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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