I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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