i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
