My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
