I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You ruined the universe
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
