Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
