it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
