they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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