so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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