I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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