I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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