By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
