True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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