If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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