seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
