i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
