Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
