I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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