Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
