and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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