Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
