I love black thongs
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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