it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Duck Duck Cougar?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
