I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize