So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
