no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
