you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
soo... how was my night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
