Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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