i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
