she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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