how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
