peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im holly from the hills drunk
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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