I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
