they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
