I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
