The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
