well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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