You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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