that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
