yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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