just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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