I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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