the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize