dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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