There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
