My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
