Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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