We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize