Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
