if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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