Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
