No stitches, just platelets and will power
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
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Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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