Where is the hickey?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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