Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
